What is it about not having control of my surroundings that so scares me? I'm not really sure when, or why, it happened... But somewhere along the way my 'go with the flow' attitude transitioned to being a control freak.
Spending almost a month in someone else's house, with someone else's things, and someone else's routines scares. As much as I may look forward to seeing my family, the thought of not holding the reins (for the most part) on what's happening actually gives me a feeling of fear.
When I examine why it freaks me out, it really concerns me. I never wanted to be a control freak, and I don't think it's healthy. I have my routines, everything in it's place. From the way I organize my kitchen to the schedule I keep in cleaning things... Its sad to me, really.
So for now, in preparation for my trip back home, I'm forcing myself into positive thinking, and trying to overcome this irrational need to be in control.
